This Guy Wants to Marry His Apple Computer But Florida Says He Can’t

2 years ago
chris sevier

Photo: Facebook

Mark “Chris” Sevier, a combat vet and former Judge Advocate (a position that allows officers to learn about legal affairs while serving in the military), is really into lawsuits.

He’s also, apparently, really into electronics. In a way that’s definitely NSFW.

A while back, Sevier sued Apple because, he claimed, he’d gotten addicted to porn on his computer since it came without any porn filters.

And now, he’s taking his love for the digital naked form in a new direction.

Sevier filed a pretty irrelevant motion on a Florida case that will decide whether gay marriages performed outside the state will be legally recognized. He said that he should be allowed to marry his “porn filled Apple computer.”

He argues further that, if gay people “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”

It doesn’t come as much of a surprise that Florida said:

NO sloth

Which might be what Sevier’s computer would tell him, also, if it could talk. Poor defenseless laptop.

A judge wrote in a ruling on the case: “Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit.”

Sevier complains that he’s actually been conditioned to love his computer and that he no longer enjoys sex with real women.

And, unsurprisingly, he’s not gonna stop there — he’s also intervening in a Utah battle over a state law that says gay marriage isn’t legal.

Clearly, Sevier is trying to make some kind of statement about gay marriage, but there are tons of ways he could stand up for what he believes — without clogging up the courts with these bizarre, pointless lawsuits.

Sounds to me like Sevier’s lawsuit is totally full of WTF. Like this picture of him:


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